History is the autobiography of a mad man – Alexander Herzen
I like to think I’m a fairly well informed person, which is odd considering I don’t own a TV. I think the internet via Facebook and my NYtimes app keep me fairly up to date on major happenings, but unfortunately I fell a little behind on the recent mass shooting in Isla Vista, a part of UC Santa Barbra. I had heard something about a shooting there but just figured it was another crazy guy, with sobbing parents… another hallow discussion on gun control… I didn’t need to read more on that.
I was proved wrong a day or 2 later when I saw two aftermaths occur.
One was the typical gun debate. I think one of the dead fathers said something about gun rights and 2nd amendment conservatives got mad. One retorted with “Your dead kids don’t trump my gun rights” or something awful. I’ve already wrote about guns and tragedies. If you like to see that response it can be found here http://https://autobiographyofamaddman.wordpress.com/2013/11/01/fat-people-with-guns/ but it’s not something I’d like to get into again. The only thing I will add is this painfully harsh onion article.
The 2nd and a much more interesting aftermath I found was in rather lengthy status filled by a feminist friend with recent trending hashtags like #notallmen #yesallwomen and #misogynykills and didn’t really understand so I asked some questions about it. Apparently I was being polarizing by not fully agreeing 100% with him and others who posted…because I didn’t know what they were talking about, but whatever it happens, and people are fired up on all sides.
I had to figure all this out for myself so if you were a little clueless like me I’ll catch you up. Apparently this nutcase went around shooting up people (girls) who he felt had wronged him by spurning his advances and making him feel like an outcast. A lot of girls labeled him as a misogynist and rightly so. Apparently then a lot of guys got their feelings hurt and started the #notallguys (not all guys) as in not all guys are misogynist nerds who go on shooting up sorority houses. (No duh) then that was retorted with the feminist hashtag #yesallwomen because all women go through some sexual abuse or discrimination at some point in their lives, Sure I can get on board with that… The fact that does occur, I’m not on board with sexual abuse though.
So where’s the outrage? I see it as the devolution of yet another tragedy that gets caught on side issues. The main side issue being feminists v men rights groups round 1000. Some articles and blogs I’ve read on it have managed to stay above a fray and have a good unique point of view…the majority of views though are not so much. So here’s where I shake my head and as usual it’s at both sides.
I think it’s a pretty fair assessment that this kid was deranged. He also felt girls “owed” him sex that makes him a misogynist. You add the two together and the mix is never good. You also look at the fact that both men and women can be turned down many many times but who reacts violently about it? A woman can be unattractive with the personality of a wet blanket and be pissed at the world for never finding a guy. She will probably not go on a rampage and write a manifesto. There is something corrosive for a guy who can’t find a girl that eats at his mind. Maybe it’s because guys have a bigger ego, maybe it’s because they’ve been conditioned to see that in movies, video games, and TV shows that the nice guy ALWAYS gets the girl in the end and when that fantasy doesn’t play out in the real world something snaps. In high school remember having to escort a friend of mine to her locker because she was going to tell off a creepy upperclassman who always watched her pack up and followed her out up school because she was afraid she would hurt his feelings and he would go crazy. That’s something I’ve definitely never had to worry about.
The real poo flying was started with the men’s rights groups who got together and started posting #notallguys, making them the center of the debate and not the killer and certainly not about the people that died. Obviously not all guys are like this, and maybe they were baiting feminists (which certainly worked) when they responded with #yesallwomen because yes all women go through sexual discrimination/abuse at least once in their life. And that’s where things officially fell off the tracks. I don’t know if the male rights douche’s responded again and I don’t want to know. This is no longer a tragedy where a crazy guy shot people, it’s now a who’s right: feminists or mens’ rights?
I also don’t feel that talking about how some guys go crazy and kill people is anything controversial. It’s an unfortunate fact about our society. Yes guys shouldn’t feel they are owed sex and that whole conversation is valid.
What my dissatisfaction is, is in this dichotomy between feminists and men’s rights folk that has existed for along time. It’s dumb and certainly not productive. Who cares who’s right? Why do females have to be right and guys be wrong? Why does team men have the upper hand against team female? These are false dichotomies. For me there is no team fem v team man. I’m on team people. Our disagreements shouldn’t be who’s right here? Are women right? Are men right? Sometimes 1 is, sometimes the other is, sometimes both are, and sometimes neither. Our struggles aren’t sexist orientated with men being bad and women being good or vice versa. Are struggles are insanity v sanity, douche bags v good people, and violence against peace.
If a silver lining can be found in these tragedies it is that frank and honest discussions happen about the causes of these so that we can try and prevent them, the sad thing is they always devolve into shouting matches, unnecessary battles, and nothing changes.